Useful advice on raising children ... (MUST READ !!)

This is an excerpt from the Book of : Imâm Ibnul Qayyim al-Jawziyyah رحمه الله , a famous book called Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood. One of the most important chapters of his book is the sixteenth chapter, which is entitled 'Fi fusool naafi’ah fi Tarbiyat al-Atfaal tuhmad ‘awaaqibuha ‘ind al-Kabr' (Useful advice on raising children which will have good consequences when the child grows up.)

Here is a summary of what Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said:

1. The child should be breastfed by someone other than his mother, two or three days after birth. That is better because her milk after that time will be thick and contain different ingredients, unlike the milk of one who has been breastfeeding for a while. All the Arabs pay attention to that, and they give their children to desert women to breastfeed, as the Prophet صلّى اللَّهُ عليه وسلّم was given to Banu Sa’d to be breastfed among them.

2. They should not be picked up and carried around until they are three months old or more, because they have only recently emerged from their mother’s wombs and their bodies are still weak.

3. They should be given only milk until their teeth appear, because their stomachs are weak and unable to digest food. When the baby’s teeth appear, his stomach has grown strong and is able to be nourished by food. Food should be introduced gradually.

From among the punishments of sinful acts are that they cause the servant to forget himself..

When a person forgets his soul, he corrupts it, and then destroys it.  If o­ne would ask, “How does someone forget himself if he does forget?  Which things does he remember?” Allaah سُبحانه وتعالى has said,

وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ أُوْلَئِكَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ

"And do not be like those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah) and He caused them to forget their own selves.”

[Suratul-Hashr 59:19]

In other words, Glory is to Him, Allaah سُبحانه وتعالى punishes the o­ne who forgets Him with two punishments:

(1). Allaah سُبحانه وتعالى forgets him.

(2). He سُبحانه وتعالى causes the individual to forget himself. 

Allaah’s forgetting the servant involves His disregard, abandonment and neglect of the disobedient o­ne. As a result, destruction draws closer to him than his own face and hand. 

As for the sinner, his forgetting himself means that the person stops thinking about the finer qualities of the soul and the things that lead to its success and well-being.  He forgets all of this.  The matter does not even come to mind.  Nor does he bring it to mind.

How to attain SUCCESS & FELICITY?

 

Imâm Ibnul Qayyim al Jawziyyah رحمه الله said:

Many people think that they can perform some sin, and then if they say “Astaghfirullaah” the sin will disappear. 

Or, they may deceive themselves with ahadeeth such as: “Whoever says “Subhaanallaahi wa-bi hamdih” one hundred times in a day, his sins are taken off from him, even if they be like the foam of the ocean.” Or “A servant committed a sin and then said, ‘O Lord! I have committed a sin, so forgive me,’ and so he was forgiven . . . . then Allaah سُبحانه وتعالى says, 

‘My servant knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sins, and takes [to task] for them. I have forgiven My servant, so let him do as he wishes.'”

Such people cling to the texts of hope, and hold fast to them with both hands, and put [all] their reliance in them, such that if they are reprimanded for committing some sin, they will recite all that they known about Allaah سُبحانه وتعالى's mercy and forgiveness. Some went to excessive limits in this, such that they claimed that to remain free of sins is being ignorant or under-estimating Allaah's mercy and pardon.

Read the article here 

Advice for Fathers with their Children

Ibnul Qayyim aj-Jawzeeyah (d.751 A.H.)  رحمه الله said:

‘Allaah’s advice for fathers with their children precedes advice for children with their fathers.

So whoever was careless and negligent of educating his son, and leaves off benefiting him and leaving him useless, then he has been evil to him, extremely evil.

Indeed most children being corrupt is due to their fathers, and then being neglectful of them.

Them leaving their education of the Faraa'id (obligations) and the Sunnan (practices of the Sunnah) of the religion, so they caused them to be lost when they were young. Then the fathers did not benefit from them when they were older.

Just like some fathers held it to be shameful that their children were disobedient, so the child says, O my father you showed disobedience to me when I was young,  so now I’m being disobedient to you now that I am older. You caused me to be lost when I was a boy,  so I caused you to be lost in your old age.’

[From 'Tuhfat al-Mowdood bi Ahkaam al-Mowlood' pg.387]

Regarding His صلّى اللَّهُ عليه وسلّم Guidance in Treating Afflictions - Ibnul Qayyim Al Jawziyyah

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Truly! To Allâh we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. They are those on whom are the Salawât (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones.”

 (Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)

Then he (i.e. Ibn Al-Qayyim) mentioned the Hadeeth of Al-Istirja‘ (1) and then he said: This expression is one of the most effective and most beneficial treatments for one who is afflicted by calamities, because it contains two fundamental principles, which if they are realized, the slave will be consoled thereby from his calamity.

The first of them is that the slave and his wealth belong to Allaah and He has given it to him as a loan.

The second of them is that the return is to Allaah and it is inevitable that he will leave the life of this world behind; so if this is his beginning and his end, then his thinking about them is one of the greatest treatments for this illness and a part of his treatment is that he knows that what was ordained to afflict him cannot miss him and what was ordained to miss him cannot afflict him.

Being Generous: A Source of Relaxation - Imam Ibnul-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah

“…The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) was the most generous person in giving away what he owned, and he would never look at something as being either too big or too insignificant to give up for the sake of Allaah. 

He asks a loan from you ... Ibnul Qayyim al Jawziyyah

قال الإمام ابن قيم الجوزية رحمه الله

لله ملك السموات والأرض ، واستقرض منك حبة فبخلت بها ، وخلق سبعة أبحر وأحب منك دمعةً فقحطت عينك بها

“To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth, yet He asks a loan from you (i.e. giving charity) but you are stingy. He created the seven seas, but He loved a tear from you (out of fear of Him) but your eyes were tearless.”

الفوائد : ٣٥ - فصل

How Sins can Cause you to Enter Paradise - Ibnul Qayyim al Jawziyyah رحمه الله

‘Indeed a slave commits a sin and enters Paradise through committing it and he performs a good deed and enters the Hellfire through performing it.’

It was asked ‘How is this (possible)?

Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله answered:

‘A sin is committed and thus does not cease to be before his eyes (causing him to be) fearful of it, concerned about it frightened and weeping due to his regret of doing it. Feeling ashamed due to this action before his Lord The Most High, with his head lowered between his hands, and his heart broken and despondent due to it.

The Sweetest time.. Ibnul Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

قال الإمام ابن قيم الجوزية رحمه الله

لله !! ما أحلى زمان تسعى فيه أقدام الطاعة على أرض الاشتياق

“The time in which you are obedient to Allaah and you are longing for Him is the sweetest time.”

الفوائد : ٣٩ – تنبية

“..Know that it is from Allaah” - Ibnul Qayyim al Jawziyyah

قال الإمام ابن قيم الجوزية رحمه الله

من أعطي خيراً فالله أعطاه ، ومن وقي شراً فالله وقاه

“Whoever does good, must know that it is Allaah Who allowed him to do so, and whoever is protected from evil, must know that it is Allaah Who protected him.”

الفوائد : ٨٠ – فصل

Repel the Thought

Ibnul Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah رحمه الله said:

"Repel the thought, for if you don’t, it becomes an idea. So repel the idea; for if you don’t it will become a desire. So fight against that (desire), for if you don’t, it will become a determination and a passion. And if you don’t repel that, it will become an action. And if you don’t replace it with its opposite, it will become a constant habit. So at that point, it will be difficult for you to change it."

[Al-Fawaa`id]