Al-Haafidh Abu Haatim Muhammad
ibn Hibbaan said:
Mohammad ibn
al-Mundhir ibn Sa’eed related to me that Abu Haatim Muhammad ibn Idrees
al-Hanthalee said that al-Khattaab ibn al-Ma’laa al-Makhzumee al-Qurashee
advised his son saying:
My son, fear Allaah
and be obedient to Him. Avoid
sinning by following His Sunnah and teachings in order to rectify your faults
and attain bliss; indeed
nothing whatsoever is hidden from Allaah.
I put some directions
together and drew out a plan for you. If you memorize, understand and act upon
them, you would fill the eyes of kings and even the vagabond would be obedient
to you. You would continue to be needed and honoured, people would continue to
be in need of what you possess. So obey your father, suffice yourself with his
advice and open your mind and heart to it.
Beware
of excessive talking, joking, laughing and fooling around with brothers; indeed this removes
respect/esteem and causes disputes. It is upon you to be tranquil and
calm without having pride, which may be attributed to you, and without being arrogant, which may be
said about you. Treat both friends and enemies pleasantly; prevent their harms without belittling them or holding them in
high regard.
Take the middle path
in all your affairs; for indeed the best affairs are
the intermediary ones [i.e. between extremism and excessive
lenience]. Speak little, spread the
Salaam, and walk firmly and purposefully. Do not stamp your
feet, drag your tail [i.e. Isbaal], raise your neck, robes or be conceited. Do
not look around too much, stop at crowds or linger in the market.
Do
not debate a lot and do not get into arguments with the foolish. When you speak, keep it short and limit joking. If
you sit, cross your legs and avoid interlocking your fingers, playing with your
beard, ring or sword handle. Do not clean between your teeth [while sitting in
public], pick your nose or busy yourself with chasing flies away. Do not spy on others and so forth, which would cause people to belittle or
insult you.
Sit calmly in
gatherings and speak proportionately. Listen
attentively to those who speak about good without displaying amazement or
asking them to repeat themselves, and refrain
from telling jokes or funny stories.
Do not speak about
how impressed you are of your children, servants, means of transportation or
weapons. Beware of drawing ‘The Eye’
upon yourself, for if you display your admiration for these
things, the foolish would desire them. They would then make up stories about
you and question your intellect.
Do
not behave like women, and do not be as subservient as a servant. Do not puff up
your beard or pat it down to hide it. Refrain from trimming it and pulling out
grey hairs. Do not excessively use Kohl and oils/lotion, use Kohl occasionally.
Do
not plead for your needs, and do not be demanding of your requests.
Do not tell your
family how much wealth you have, let alone
others. For if they perceive it to be little, you would
be trivial in their eyes, and if it were a lot, you would not gain their
satisfaction through it anyway. Discipline them without using force and be
lenient to them without being weak, and
do not mock your servants.
If you were to ever
argue, be respectful and safeguard
yourself from your own ignorance. Avoid
being hasty and contemplate over your argument. Show the judge your
forbearance, refrain from pointing a lot, shuffling your feet, reddening your
face and sweating. If you are insulted by your adversary, be forbearing and only speak when calm.
When you make a
promise, abide by it, and
when you speak be truthful. Do not raise your voice when arguing, as if you
were debating with a deaf person, but at the same time do not be hushed like a
mute, and select the best of speech, saying things that are accepted.
If you relate
something that you have heard, refer it to the initial
speaker. Beware of telling atrocious tales that are disliked by
the hearts and cause the skin to tremble, and
refrain from being repetitive such
as saying ‘yes, yes’, ‘no, no’, ‘hurry up, hurry up’ and so on.
When you practice
ablution, scrub your palms well and place glasswort (a strong-pleasant smelling
succulent shrub) in your mouth as you would when using Siwaak (brushing your
teeth). Do not clear your throat into
the wash basin. Remove water
from your mouth gently; do not spit it so as not to accidentally spray the
closest person to you.
Do not take a bite
from a meal and then replace the rest [when eating with others from the same
dish], indeed this is disliked. Do not frequently as for drinks at the kings
table, and do not fiddle with bones. Do
not fault anything that is offered to you at the table by saying
things such as there is not enough seasoning, vegetables or honey and so on.
Do
not grasp onto your money like a miser, and do not spend it like a foolish
deluded spendthrift. Know
what obligatory rights others have over your wealth, the sacredness of
friends, do not be dependent on people
and they would be in need of you. Know that greed leads to an
attribute [i.e. would lead it be one of your attributes], and desire, as is it
said, knocks at the door of
slavery/servitude [i.e.
would lead you to be subservient to others]. Tasting it may prevent you from
tasting a lot of other meals.
Being
self-sufficient is an immense treasure/wealth and an honorable mannerism. A man
knowing himself / his standing…
My son, indeed a man’s wife is his home / livelihood, he has no life with
other than her, so when you
decide to take a wife, inquire about her family; for indeed good roots yield
sweet fruits.
Know that women
differ greatly, more so than the fingers of your hand, so shield yourself from those amongst them who are naturally prone
to cause harm. Amongst them
are those who are self-conceited…”
From:
Rawdat al-‘Uqalaa,
al-Haakim an-Naysaburee
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